Tales of Shrike: Skulduggery Pleasant
by Shng Lotn
Summary: After telling the people of the future about the traction era, what if Shrike had more tales to tell?
1. Chapter 1

**How do you like this one?**

**It's also based on the assumption that the world gets saved from the Darquesse stuff  
**

* * *

**Chapter 1: insanity is nice**

_Skulduggery could hear the screaming, which surprisingly came from him, though he suspected that agonizing pain from pure necromantic energy was a good reason to scream. Skulduggery could see the panicking faces of Valkyrie Cain as they watched the skeleton detective being enveloped by pitch black tendrils of lifeless energy that were slowly draining away whatever semblance of life Skulduggery had contained in the brittle container he liked to call his skull. His original skull._

_Seeing no other way to prevent the necromantic dark energy from draining away that small thing Skulduggery liked too call his life-force, Skulduggery took the stance that he had been taught by his older brother but never had actually used, the stance that allowed him to embrace the earth and actually become it…_

It was the earth power stance.

* * *

"Shrike, please tell us another one of your tales!" one of the once-born begged.

"Yeah, but what was the _jee-ess ball, _anyway?" another on asked thoughtfully.

Shrike looked at out of the circular window at the setting sun thoughtfully. He supposed he _could _tell them about that before the sun went down. It was a short tale, after all.

Or at least it was shorter than some.

"DARKNESS." The ancient stalker started in his sqeaky and metallic voice, startling several once-born who had just been leaving the room. "ALL SKULDUGGERY COULD SEE WAS…"

* * *

…Darkness. No matter how much he turned his head all Skulduggery could see was darkness. This was not, he reflected, the happy darkness where you've just been knocked out and have only now regained regained consciousness and the darkness was because the person hadn't opened his eyes. No, this was the terrifying dreaming darkness that usually happens after nice dreams and hot chocolate.

Skulduggery liked to get his priorities right.

He also liked to have some proof that he was insane.

Fortunately this proof presented itself in the usual way that proof does: drilling in from the ceiling, looking around and exclaiming "Oh, great Poskitt, it's a walkin' skeleton!"

Skulduggery preferred being insane, insanity was always a great laugh at parties.

* * *

The mayor of Charyngran leaned back on his chair and watched Shane with cold and calculating eyes,"Do you accept this offer, Mr…?"

Shane mentally winced: people _always _did that, "Charon sycamore leaf-green Poskittus…"

"Ah, I don't think I'll be needing the full list." The mayor said hurriedly, "You can start the excavation work on Thursday, which is tomorrow. Which might mean that you would want to-."

"I know what I might want to do, sir." Shane assured him smoothly, before walking out of the mayor's office.

Though as he closed the door he heard the mayor say: "Please make sure that you find something, you know it would be simply _terrible _if you didn't find _anything_…"

**The next day**

Shane fidgeted nervously as the crew that he commandeered worked on the excavation, what if he didn't find anything? What if-?

His mental questioning was cut short by a skeleton. The skeleton leaped out of the hole with a fire-ball in its hand and looked around, before focusing on Shane.

"_Well."_ It said, "_I'm back."_

Shane fainted.

* * *

**What do you think?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – The Ancient skeleton**

Skulduggery faded into consciousness slowly. When he was fully awake, he groaned. Not surprising, really considering he had spent god knows how long is a magical stasis. Possibly three millenniums, he concluded, judging from the stabbing pains in his back.

After spending a while pondering about the severity of his back pains, Skulduggery looked around. He was, unsurprisingly, a cell. Skulduggery knew he shouldn't be surprised, after all, he had practically leapt out of the ground brandishing a fireball and… grinning, before fainting from overexertion of unused magic.

…Speaking of magic… Skulduggery held out one hand at one of the cell walls and clenched his fist. Nothing happened.

Annoying.

Next he tried concentrating on the moisture in the air that he knew had to be there and drawing it into a single mass, hoping to crumble away the wall. Once again, nothing happened.

Irritating.

Starting to get frustrated, he clicked his fingers hoping to generate a small spark that he would nurture into a small flame that he could burn the door down.

Unfortunately, plans never generate into reality, and so instead of a small spark he generated a large explosion that knocked him off his feet and once again into the realms of the unconscious mind.

On the plus side the door had burnt down.

* * *

The mayor of Charyngran read the report in an air of amused puzzlement. Supposedly a skeleton had jumped up out of one the tombs carrying a fireball in one of his hands before fainting in front of that archaeologist he had hired.

How intriguing.

Could this skeleton have anything to do with stalkers, like the one they had uncovered on a previous expedition? The mayor pondered thoughtfully. It was possible, though this was immaterial, since even his best team of engineers had failed to make it even blink.

But what if-?

Reaching for his speaker phone mic, the mayor cleared his throat before speaking.

"This is the mayor, I want you to…"

_Shrike was bored._

_This worried him slightly, since stalkers were not supposed to feel bored. He supposed it was justified, after all, ever since he had been awakened by these once-born three years ago he had been unable to do anything while the so called scientists tried to make him move._

_The reason why was laughable. __**He had no power. **__Ever since that annoying scientist had removed his molecular clockwork engines, he had been forced to find whatever energy he could and convert it into electrical energy._

_Unfortunately the once-born hadn't realised that._

…_speaking of voices, he could hear some right now!_

"_We've come to take the stalker to the cell"_

"_Sure, go ahead."_

"_Thanks"_

Skulduggery awoke once again with a groan and looked around.

First he looked at the door, which they annoying seemed to have replaced with some sort of metal, after observing this he looked at the trolley in the middle of the room.

…There appeared to be a robot…thing, lying on it.

Ignoring the robot… thing and taking a large step backwards, skulduggery generated what would have been an extremely small flame and flung it at the door.

Shrike would have grinned happily if he could as the mysterious bodily workings inside him started converting thermal to electrical energy, within a few moments, he was fully charged. With an almost triumphant air he rose and looked at the source of the blast.

"THANK YOU" _he said_


End file.
